patron

WHY REPLACE YOUR CAR WITH A FIXED-GEAR?

2008-04-22T23:07:00.001-07:00

As many of you may know, I bike everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Rain, snow, sleet, storm, blah, blah. During my daily trek out to Swan Island, I nearly died. Really. Not "almost got hit by a car" nearly died or even "oblivious bitch opens her car door to send me flying over an overpass that allows parking but was saved by a passing train" nearly died. I mean, REAL nearly died.

Anyway, during my routine trip -in the rain - I had begun approaching Swan Island off of Interstate and was prepping myself for the upcoming dip. Initially, I had started descending the concert steeple fairly safety. Bored with my usual method of slow, slower, slow in dealing with hills, I gave way to an all out plunge. Then at the bottom of the hill, MY BICYCLE CHAIN FLEW OFF! As rider of a brake-less, fixed-gear this was big.

As I was already going rather fast, I could do nothing but ride until I lost speed or hit something. Naturally there were three options as to where I should steer.

*A mess of busy rush hour traffic.

*Traffic sign

*Dopey man on a "coaster" (bike with gears)

Basically, I yelled at a complete strange several times, he moved and I'm able to type this.

PS: I wasn't wearing a helmet, though can't due to big glasses.

YOBBY IS MISSING

2008-04-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

ASIAN ENERGY!

2008-04-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

Stopped at an Asian supermarket on 82nd last night. Never before, have I been as overwhelmed as I was at the selection of energy drinks. While I didn't pick up as many as I should have, I DID manage to find a few worthy enough to display here. I LOVE ASIAN SUPERMARKETS!

If this chronic laziness ever leaves me, I'll do more than a simple image post.

"d'X Bull"

Tastes like a really thick Red Bull without the carbonation. Jolted me out of my THC-induced haze and prevented me from doing anything productive. Stomach felt tingly and concentration became overly direct at anything I happened to look at. Felt hazy the next morning, though could have been the pot, "natural" steroids, or beer.

"Bacchus-D"

"Korean Ginseng Drink" (with real Ginseng root floating in bottle)

Lastly, while no way an Asian specialty, I came across the largest Monster Energy Drink I've ever seen. The size baffled me so that I needed two pictures.

"HEAVY METAL"

20 = ME

2008-04-09T13:03:00.001-07:00

Here's a list of people who've recognized my birthday.

-Vitamin World
-Codemasters (Video Game Company)
-Jerick.
-Half-sister.
-Mom.
-MySpace.

That's about it. Boohooboohoo.

A friend is taking me to Todai five minutes ago. Hasn't shown.

PS: Just came from North Portland where the same bicycle from below was seen. WHAT THE HELL?

Fellow Follower of Judas

2008-04-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

Locked my bike downtown today. Did a couple things. When I came back around, something was locked alongside my bike. It would appear I have an apprentice. And one who rides around on the same unusual frame, locking the same unusual frame next to mine.

Now here's my bike.

OUTRAGEOUS HOLOCAUST CRAZY RIGHT?

SO NEW! SO MUCH!

2008-04-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

Greetings Joshua Garcia fans! So much as happened since Easter I can hardly contain myself! So much in fact that I've been too lazy to jot it all down for the four that irregularly/accidentally read this page.

For starters, I've been hired at the Lopez Vinyards to work through the Summer. Tasks involve all but picking! The owner appears to be a mystic, hippie, weirdo who acts as if he's read one too many books on spiritual enlightenment. Chances are I'll be asked to read to the vines and compile a songs for the birds. It's $12 an hour so I'm letting it pass.

Who is this bitch, and why is she listed under "Raspberry Wine"?

I may also be working at some the "Love Dog Cafe", building salads or drinks. The owner 's name is "White Bear" and her appearance makes the title. Outrageous!

BEAR-ASS! GET IT?!

I'll be TWENTY next Wednesday. That's right 20! It doesn't look like anyone will bother or remember as I haven't received an informal phone call in weeks. Dear me! My parents treated me to a few prizes when I was on island, (Lopez)however. Though, It'd be nice if my assholes-for-faces friends would remember to bring me weed money.

WHOOPEE!!!

I started Spring term this week. Taking three easy classes with the most exciting one being intermediate weights. Basically, we show up and do whatever we want in the spectacular Cascade gym. I'm finally able to ditch my home-bound free-weight routine! Yay!

Speaking of starting anew, I've since switched over to my new job at FedEx! While I had originally applied for Canada, I've been tasked with Alaska. Basically, it's the same thing with less people to rely on. (I work with two other people. Some New Zealand-er and some nameless woman.) The job requires reports to be filled, labels to be made, conversations to be had and the use of my brain. Which is something I was neglecting as a simple loader . I'm supposed to be certified before I'm allowed to check packages for hazardous material, (opening other people's mail)which is also something I'm to do. If anything gets past me and explodes on the plane, the pilot dies! I'm getting $10/hour now! SMILES!

There's also been a monstrous load of media I've been shifting through, which I've been meaning to share. Perhaps tomorrow gang!

Easter Sun-Sunday

2008-03-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

This is strange. This is so very strange. I've almost spent my entire Easter alone, and I'm almost okay with that.

Today I've:

Lifted weights until I fell over.
Went on a 5 mile run.
Wandered around.
Baked some "adult", "special", "magic" baked goods.
Created this mix.

At only 22 minutes, I suggest you give it a try. Not much of a set as a tribute to Jesus. Really.

I'd like to thank E who fills my in box with pirated material, and TBM for getting me the idea to do these again.

A journey through the forest of B.A.M.B.I. , following happy fun time credits dance music.

"Giggle Give In" - Almighty Opp
"Cannibal Holocaust in 16 Colors" - Peppermint Pony
"Le Tue Labbra Grigio Blu" - AIT!
"Abkhaz Battalion (1)" - Survival Unit (reoccurring)
"Cherish" - The Partridge Family
"Józek" - Violetta Villas
"Gladio" - Shibari
"Something In The Way" - Fire Walk With Me (Feat. 209 Sins)
"Victim" - Knejerk

Download.

When Sadness Is No Longer Enough

2008-03-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

So today was the first of three finals. Media writing. I'm pretty sure I'll ace. After the final, weights and before evening work I saw this. I wonder how many bumbling loners will relate to this. As a quasi-loner, I can somewhat relate. Hah.

Garage

"Tragi-comedy from the margins of contemporary Irish life. Regarded by his neighbors as a harmless misfit, eliciting idle kindness, benign tolerance and occasional abuse, Josie has spent all his adult life as the caretaker of a crumbling petrol station on the outskirts of a small town in the mid-west of Ireland. He is limited, lonely, yet relentlessly optimistic and, in his own peculiar way, happy. But then over the course of a summer, Josie's world shifts. A teenager, David, comes to work with him. David likes him. They open up to each other and suddenly the lonely adult is drinking cans down at the railway tracks with the local kids. He is awakened to needs in himself that have never been met. And Carmel, from the local shop, who has always been kind to him, stirs feelings within him that he struggles to name. And then one thoughtless moment unravels the threads of faltering friendship. Events spiral. Josie's life is changed, forever. "

Microsoft Can Go Suck A Fuck

2008-03-17T16:14:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: After calling in two more times (they were STILL upgrading their servers) Microsoft finally processed my order. Also, instead of getting a year of the "Offical Xbox Magazine", I'll be receiveing one month of Xbox Live. :( ..oh, and don't worry. To all two of you who read this, I promise to never mention this again.

Seriously. I've had so many problems with my Xbox 360 that I've considered everything from throwing it out a moving car to purchasing a PlayStation 3.

When I first purchased the console, I had to replace it at the store THREE TIMES due to constant hardware malfunctions.

Games have had to be countlessly replaced due to faulty game media. Assassin's Creed had to be exchanged THREE TIMES. Oblivion had to be exchanged TWICE. Mass Effect? Check. Gears of War? CHECK. Call of Duty 2? CHECK. Crackdown? CHECK. Perfect Dark? CHECK. And so on and so forth.

I recently made an account over at GameFly, which is a NetFlix-like service that caters to video games. The idea is totally awesome. I pay $12.95 to check out any two games for as long as I like. Considering "Hollywood Video" charges up to $8.99, it's more than a steal. However, I've since had to exchange two games, and wait twice as long for games that should have been working in the first place.

Today I finally receieved a working copy of "Mass Effect". A game which I've been anticipating for months. My first copy crapped out after the first planet, so I was forced to wait another week for GameFly to send me a working copy.

Within 5 minutes (YES 5 MINUTES!) of loading up the game, my Xbox 360 started locking up and refusing to start. After restarting a few dozen times, it started to flash the infamous three red lights of death. The system then refused to even turn on. Now this is when it started getting ridiculous.

I shot on over to the support site, which gave me two solutions to my problem. Seeing as how I couldn't even turn on the console, I was stuck with just one. "Detach HD. Turn on console. Turn off console. Reattach HD." Didn't work. Tried again. Didn't work. Waited 10 minutes. Didn't work. And so on and so forth.

I had heard that you could request a repair from Microsoft from their support site. Locating the page, I was asked to register my console, state the problem, etc. Microsoft will apparently send you can empty box for your console to send back for repairs. After filling out my order and making sure this was something I really had to do, I went about submitting it. Error. I tried again. Error. And again. Error. I tried using both Internet Explorer and Firefox. Error. Then I beat my fists into the desk and yelled.

Now I had to call tech support. Adding fire to my frustration, the automated machine couldn't understand my simple requests, but would pick up on a noise in the next room. Forever did I hear "I'm sorry. I did not get that request." Supposedly, these calls are recorded. Hopefully my insistent string of profanity will get the message across that their system doesn't work.

Finally, I was given the opition to speak with an "agent". A bored, Mexican then got on the phone and started asking me general questions about my console. After explaining him my situation, he asks my situation. After explaining that, he asks for my information. After telling him my information, he asks my situation. And so on and so forth.

After talking for awhile, he gives me the option to send my console away. He directs me to the site. I tell him the site doesn't work. He directs me to the site. Then he asks my situation again. And so on and so forth.

I tell him exactly what I want to do, he realizes that the site is down due to an upgrade and tells me to call back in three hours to continue processing my repair request. He's insisted that if I call back in three hours, I'll be able to file for a repair request. In three hours.

Supposable, the repair time can up to a month. All I wanted was to play "Mass Effect". That's all I wanted.

And I had to cancel GameFly, because I won't have a console to play any of the games they send me. I was really enjoying the service. This totally sucks because I had 7 days left on my membership, and two new member offers I have to pass on.

Why is everything so fucking stupid?

Why?

PS: I've been told I'll recieve a free one-year subscribition to the "Offical Xbox Magazine" for my troubles. Yay.

I'm buying a PlayStation 3.

Feeling Sorry? Feel Happy!

2008-03-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

When should I start to worry? I have no drive. Socially, and sexually anyway. My desire to seek out "interesting individuals" has all but dried up. Constantly, I find myself content to be an observer. Coupled with the fact I feel no kinship with anyone enough to poke prickly fingers with. I'm comfortable. As long as I've got some cash and hours to entertain myself, I'm happy. Is this bad?

Where's the Almond Pudding At?

2008-03-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Who really runs the Carl's Jr restaurants? If you're thinking about the min. wage workers with out of place facial hair, you'd be wrong! THE PLACE ACTUALLY RUNS ENTIRELY ON THE LIES SOLD TO CUSTOMERS!

The relentless hyping of famed "Cap N Crunch Shake" is the King Charles of Carl Jr fabrication!

After doing some relentless hyping of the shake myself, I finally had a chance to try it last night. The shake, in all it's soupy, golden mixture holiness was consumed in less than five minutes. Only a slight hint of the cereal was even tasted. Spotted? Zero!

I EXPERIENCED NO FORETOLD UNEARTHLY DELICIOUSNESS! WHERE WAS THE FORETOLD UNEARTHLY DELICIOUSNESS?!?!

Not only this but I had to visit the restaurant twice, as they "ran out" of the "mysterious CapN mixture" the "first time" I "went there". Two trips. One major letdown.

Basically, this puts me as THE SOUREST OF CUSTOMERS! So DOWN WITH CAP N CRUNCH SHAKES! And UP YOURS Carl Jr!

In other news, I was recently pointed in the severely right direction. After running for awhile, I bumped into "COBRA" the crime-fighting, Dirty Harry-killing sonovabitch super cop from the not to distant future. He doesn't take names, won't write anything down, shoots on sight and can often be heard lecturing about the dangers of fast food. He's Stallone! He's Cobra! Check it out, assholes!

PS: Check out my knuckle tat, and call me retarded.

(Coming soon. Pinkie silhouettes of dancing men.)

Need to Be Shared

2008-03-01T17:54:00.000-08:00

"This can't be right. Your saving are far too substantial!"

The clerk on my dual purchase of Precision Whey and Creatine canisters. Only $8!
Isn't that funny? Isn't it HILARIOUS?

LAUGH YOU STUPID HUMORLESS ASSHOLE!

VIDEO GAMES ARE STILL THE BEST

2008-02-27T11:52:00.001-08:00

I've getting back into playing video games, and obsessively following the video game industry. Mostly because it's just so interesting to me. I mean, it's one of the few things that spark my interest. Since uncovering some outdated Nintendo Issues in my earlier years, the whole concept of "video game journalism" has excited the hell out of me. Sometimes, I find that I'm more interested in gaming news than playing the games themselves. Anyway....

Recently, I've played through about four titles in the past few weeks. Two of which are far more interesting than the last. Penumbra: Overture and Penumbra: Black Plague are without a doubt, the most fascinating pieces, low-budget developers have offered in years. As such, they're also the only titles I'll go into depth on.

Originally, a three-part series turned two, Penumbra is a first person adventure with that unique feel of completely sucking you into the experience. Playing as some dude named "Philip", you receive a mysterious letter from your long-forgotten father. The letter talks of a place in Greenland, where his father spent all those years. Naturally, Philip drops everything to seek out what turns into a spooky mineshaft in the middle of nowhere. Within the mine, he discovers a history that spans over 50 years, along with the horrors that plague it.

What most captured me was the way in which you go about exploring. As an adventure game, your tasked with solving a series of puzzles to get you from point A to B. Unlike other adventure games, the tasks that befall are often solved with common sense. Need to get into that locked gate? Bash it open with a rock. Need to bypass a retina scanner? Saw the head off a dead body. While other games might convolute the process, Penumbra gives you more of a real world experience to solving problems.

Another unique bit involves the way in which you perform simple tasks, or get around. Almost similar to the Wii remote, you must utilize the movement of the mouse for everything. Opening a door requires you to actually grab hold, and move the mouse in the direction it opens. Similarly, this is true with picking up objects, turning cranks, throwing and even combat. Speaking of, is only a proponent in part one. (Which is great as it's hopelessly awkward, having to swing your mouse to make contact with enemies)

For a low-budget, indie title it's definitely worth the time and $20. (or bandwidth if you're cheap)

BLOG SPEAKS OF FEELINGS; FAG

2008-02-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

I find that I'm a person who rarely tells anything to anyone and as such haven't anyone to care. That's not to say that I pity myself or seek it, but that I literally have no one to turn to. No one to talk to, or fill the void of repetition. Which is all well and good, as I've found that I'm much less aware of my surroundings otherwise.

This entire year in Portland has been a bust. Other than collecting college credits and a few worthwhile nighttime adventures, my stay on 17th and Washington has been everything but worthwhile.

When I originally moved here, I was constantly doing things, experiencing and working at that sweet gig at the 'Hotel Monaco'. Coming from a living situation in which I lived alone, and encountered everything from meth dealers to section 8 groupies the change was wonderful.

Since then, my roommate has shown to be untrustworthy, scrooge-like, condescending, boring, faggy, awkward, lame, stupid, always thinks he knows better, mooching, creepy pervert who brings older men over to the apartment, and owns a briefcase full of gay porn and poppers. He uses up all the electricity, fucks up the internet, take two hour showers, doesn't work, clean or provide anything to the apartment. Supports himself by shop lifting clothing like a fourteen year old girl. HASN'T FOUND A JOB SINCE LAST MARCH! Frankly, I had no idea and spend much of my time cursing my move-in choice. Every time I'm home, I want to leave. Every time he's home, I want to bust his skull in.

Last Fall, I quit my job at the hotel because a certain friend and me, both decided to work at FedEx Ground. He had just moved in, and agreed to pay a third of the rent. I was looking for a change, so the new job seemed like a perfect idea. We were to get the same shift, so he could drive us all the way to the Swan Island location. I had just given my two weeks notice, so I had to wait while he had started.

Two weeks went by, I left the hotel and he had quit exactly after me leaving. Also, he bailed on paying rent, leaving me to deal with my roommate who insisted I pay the vacant third. Having actual bills to pay (unlike any of my "friends") I've found myself stuck. I couldn't go back to the hotel and have since been slugging it out at the worst job I've ever held.

To add to this, my Portland friends have since moved away or gone way of the douche. EVERYONE treats me like they're doing me favors when 98.99% of the time, it's ME including THEM in the action. It's mind-boggling to be the ONLY one who remembers, thinks and often cares , only to be treated like I don't.

Each week, I attend classes, write countless assignments and work five laborious, nights a week to then be treated at low-bar standards by a number of mostly uninteresting, douchey pricks who I've helped so much. These same "friends" who do little more work menial jobs, have no responsibilities or simply lounge about all week long.

Everywhere I go anymore, people are rude to me. Encountering rude behavior is completely natural, and I'm no spineless, crybaby but it's getting quite excessive. Whether it's at work, school, on the road or by the snotty store clerk I'm beginning to reach my limit. Most people can put up with it because they have people to cheer them up at the end of the day. As for me? I get treated in a similar fashion by people who consider me friend. It's completely nuts.

What reason to forgo ill-feelings in leaving Portland this Summer. For those of you who don't already know, I'm moving to the San Juan Islands for the break. I've already found a job in a winery, and my parents will let me stay rent free. The change in environment will be nice, and getting away from all the stupid, self-defensive kids too. Perhaps I'll move over to Canada after this Summer?

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE NOSY

2008-01-15T23:12:00.000-08:00

Picked up on a conversation on the MAX last night. There was a strange spectacled man in a stocking cap, mostly keeping to himself. After a few stops downtown, another man appearing to be homeless, dark of skin and wrapped in an over sized Army jacket appeared. Nothing was really said, or I hadn't been paying attention until the MAX came to Skidmore Fountain. Homeless, got up to leave only to be stopped by the creeper.

"Are you staying there, tonight?", he asked.

"Yeah. It's where most do..." Homeless replied.

"That's really awful. Hey, I'm not doing anything right now. Want to hang out and get something to drink? Maybe some wine, or ...we could even get pizza. You look hungry?"

Confused the Homeless, got back on the MAX and sat next to the strangely welcoming man.

What then proceeded was a questionnaire given by stocking cap, and an invitation to his house for a warm place to stay. He even asked him how he had gotten into his situation and offered to help him land this "really great job" for him.

He hadn't once mentioned a walk with Jesus or anything of the sort so I was naturally questioning his motives. Could this be the nicest man in all of Portland or a serial rapist yet to be noticed?

WELL?! YOU DECIDE! CAST YOUR VOTE IN A COMMENT BELOW!!!

So my Journalism teacher posted a bulletin about an unpaid internship at the 'Portland Monthly Magazine'. Least I feel more wasteful of my precious youth, I felt inclined to search out more on the entry. Having never applied for anything like this before I assumed, more than a cover letter, resume and writing samples was needed to gain any foothold in this position.

Fortunately, I was directed to the right sources, and then unfortunately told to present a cover letter, resume and writing samples. Honestly, I'm unsure as to how useful my resume will actually be in applying for this position. I have all of four marks of employment, and zero chances of persuading anyone that they apply to journalism. Other than this, I have virtually no samples of writing outside of meaningless internet rants and school work.

Perhaps I'll direct them to this blog and hope I've rabbled enough to spark interest. ...or maybe I'll just write the greatest cover letter imaginable and convince them it's not my first. Nevertheless, this internship could be the corner stone to my young, restless life. I would probably help if I started.

MAGIC MYSTERY LETTER JOURNEY

2008-01-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I experienced something straight out of an inspirational chain letter. Walking about in the midst of downtown Portland, a letter lay abandoned near the Police Precinct building on Stark. Curious as it was, I naturally felt inclined to snatch it up and open it four blocks away.

Now at the time I wasn’t entirely in the right state of mind and couldn’t figure out the meaning. Whoever this Kelly (female, I assume.) is, she did or did not actually miss her flight. Perhaps she made it up for dramatic effect? There's an area below that mentions Jesus as her new husband. I almost want to just brush this off as a clever missionary work but the fact a recipients address is located on the envelope, the idea seems a little far fetched. Perhaps it’s just an elaborate attempt to confuse strangers? Regardless, I’ll enclose these questions and slip the letter back into the mail box. Maybe I'll track down the house on the return address and pass a note under the door. Maybe I've unlatched the gates of preposterous adventure. Maybe not.